I'm not really sure what is going on with me lately. Some might call it an extreme case of bad luck. I'm not sure if that is what it is or just a bunch of crap dealt my way all at once. Let me explain my last seven or so days.
It started last weekend with one itchy, watery eye. By Tuesday afternoon I had called the Dr and was on antibiotic drops for pink eye. In both eyes. By Wednesday I was home from work with two eyes practically swollen shut. On Friday my eyes were overall better but my right eye looked as if I had been punched in it with a huge broken blood vessel. (On a side note I sold one eye wash station last week for the first time and quoted two others, huh...think it had something to do with how horrible my own eyes looked??) On Friday I also began suffering from a horrible sore throat. I rested most of the day on Saturday hoping to feel better by the time my Mom and Will (my brother) came over. When they arrived I took some great drugs and did feel much better. We sat around enjoying a lovely dinner Will prepared and playing a few rounds of a great game called, "Finish Lines". I tell you this because during the course of the game, or at dinner, or at some point, anyway, we somehow began discussing how Will kicks and thrashes about the bed as he sleeps. He even mentioned how he quite often either wakes up on the floor or just before falling. I was astounded. "How can you fall off a King size bed?", "I haven't fallen out of the bed since I was a kid!" I gloated.
Well. Guess where I found myself at around 4am? Yep, you guessed it, on the floor. Now, let me tell you, my bed is a tall bed, it is quite high off the ground. I remember waking up to go to the bathroom, I threw the covers back and placed my right hand on the bed to swing my legs around, only to discover I was falling, my right hand hadn't landed on the bed, I missed. Completely. How you ask? I have no clue. I just know that it hurt and it felt, in the moment, as if I fell forever. I was half asleep and really out of it. My head hit the dresser, my wrist became sprained, my knee has a lovely carpet burn and my other leg is bruised. Yes, I know, I am the epitome of grace. I also can honestly attest that I scared the crap out of Julio who previously had been sound asleep!
So, is it bad luck or just a rough week? I have no clue, I only hope that whatever it is is out of my system and will allow me a great week this week, I've had enough!
A while back I wrote a post on Thunderstorms and Bubblebaths. I questioned whether it was true that you could get struck by lightning in your tub/shower/house. Well, I am now posting an interesting follow up to that post.
We had a pretty nasty thunderstorm on Sunday. Julio and I were in the kitchen talking, he was by the sink, I was standing by the dishwasher. There was a very loud clap of thunder and I instantly saw a flash, a spark and heard a "pop". I had been struck! Mind you it was just a little spark, but nonetheless, I had been struck by lightning! OMG, ya'll! I yelped, then just kinda stood there staring at Julio like, "did that just happen?" I burst into tears. It really scared me!
I was standing with my hip next to the metal bracket that mounts the dishwasher and apparently lightning struck somewhere near my house and traveled up through my dishwasher. I noticed on Tuesday that I actually had a little bruise where it had hit me. It really was just a little jolt, nothing all that major, but it certainly shook me up a bit!
I am so glad Julio was standing next to me, because I know he would have never believed me otherwise! He actually saw the little spark and heard the "pop" as it struck. What a surreal experience!
Ok...kind of a bit of a silly post today...but have you seen "Hot in Cleveland"?? It is a new series on, of all channels, TV Land and is produced by Sean Hayes ("Jack" from "Will and Grace"). I would not have known about it had I not happened to catch a commercial on the radio the day it premiered.
This show is a bit of a throw back to sitcoms from the 80's. It is filmed in front of a "live studio audience", how often do you hear that at the beginning of a show these days? Of course (also a bit of a throw back to 80's sitcoms) the four main characters are played by: Betty White (OMG...I just love her!), Valerie Bertinelli, Wendie Malick and Jane Leeves.
They play three women from Los Angeles who land in Cleveland due to plane trouble on their way to Paris. They are surprised to discover how inexpensive and normal things are in Cleveland. They end up renting a house and discover it comes with a caretaker played by Betty White. What ensues is a plethora of funny one liners, mostly delivered by White. It's comedy can be a bit predictable at times, but nonetheless funny.
I have set my DVR to record each week, after all, it is Betty White!
I've been doing a lot of thinking about love and life lately. Pretty understandable considering what this year has brought my way. Ed and I have been physically separated a little over 6 weeks now. While in some aspects that doesn't seem like a very long time in other ways it is a lifetime.
I specify "physically" separated because we have been emotionally separated for much, much longer. I am not going to put a time frame on it here as it is not important. He and I were together over 11 years and this Wednesday, Cinco de Mayo, would have been married 9 years. He turned 30 years old three days after we got married and I was 27. I thought I was older than everyone else. I thought I was never going to get married. Ha. I look back at my wedding pictures and just see this really young girl. I also see a young girl that was full of hopes and dreams for our future.
That is the hardest part of accepting our separation and impending divorce. It is the death of those hopes and dreams. It is something I have had to mourn and will likely mourn for some time to come. But there is no doubt to either of us this is the right decision. Ed has moved on to what appears to be (I have not yet met her) a wonderfully kind, loving woman and I have moved on to an amazing, intelligent, thoughtful, caring man. Does it seem as if we moved very quickly?
Well, if you think we have only been separated for 6 weeks, then yes, I suppose to some it may appear to be really fast. However, Ed and I grew apart and have really lived separate lives under the same roof for quite sometime. We both knew we were missing something and not giving the other what they needed. Therefore in a lot of ways the final "official separation" was like a breath of fresh air. Aside from a few bumps as we transition into our new relationship with each other we are getting along fabulously. I do not know how long it has been since we have gotten along so well.
It made me start to think, however, is the whole idea of one person that you are meant to spend your life with truly realistic? I mean, sure there are folks out there that stay married for life, some happily and some just because it is comfortable and they don't want to leave that comfort zone. There is a fear of letting go of all you have ever known.
But, is it truly realistic? I do not know. Here is what I DO know. I was happy when I married Ed. I thought it was forever. I thought given the fact that we were so dedicated to this for life that we could tackle anything. I believed that if we both were committed to making it work that is all it would take. I was wrong. Somewhere along the line we both changed. Or maybe one of us did and the other did not. Or maybe we realized the things we did not think were a very big deal really were. I know I am so happy for him now. He is truly happy, I can see it in his eyes and the way he is taking care of himself.
I have moved on as well and am happier than I can remember being in such a long time. Julio is very different from Ed. I am not sure they would have anything to even talk about, ok, well maybe college football. But it is strange to me at how different they are, yet they are both people I have cared for to the depths of my soul.
However, had I met Julio 11 years ago instead of Ed we probably would not have had very much to say to each other. We were both extraordinarily different people than we are today. We were not right for each other back then. However, NOW, a mere 11 years later we have more in common than seems possible. Sure, we have different feelings about politics and things, but they are differences that bring about more togetherness, not less. I feel more myself with him than I have ever felt. He knows me inside and out. He knows what makes me tick, what motivates me, what touches me.
Julio knows how to be supportive, when I need a swift kick to get moving at work, when I need advice or when I just need to laugh. It is not something we discuss it is something understood.
So I wonder, how can someone that would have been so wrong for me that I doubt I would have even been friends with 11 years ago seem to right for me now? Is it possible that there are different people meant for us at different stages of our lives? Or is it that twenty something is truly too young to marry? Folks in their twenties are still growing, maturing, figuring out who they are and what they truly want, yet society does make us feel that that is when we should be settling down and starting a family.
I do not know the answer and I am sure everyone is different. I thought I knew who I was back then and what I wanted. Of course, maybe I did. I just want and need very different things now. I do not regret for one minute the life I had with Ed. We have three beautiful, loving children. How could I ever regret that gift? How could I ever regret the time we spent together? The shared experiences, our first house, the births of our children, the football games, the struggles, all of it. It was a good life, however, it ran its course.
I am more thankful than you can imagine that I Ed and I are able to embark on this new journey without the animosity and hate you so often see during divorce. It is the best gift we can give our children and each other.
