Saturday, March 20, 2010

My Take

We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same. ~Anne Frank

Over the past week or so I have been reading two of my favorite people's blogs, *Detour and Musings of a Madman as they have discussed their feelings on homosexuality, gay marriage and gay parentage. It has been a fascinating take on the evolution of thought and acceptance by both of these men.

After all the dialogue I have enjoyed with these two I decided I would put my feelings out there. One of the prevailing debates has been whether or not homosexuals should be "allowed" to adopt children. I guess I just do not get the whole "allowed" thing. To me, it is preposterous. Who are we to decide some people are more deserving of basic human rights than others? Why do we think anyone's rights should be simply based on someones sexual orientation? Seriously? I know it is oversimplifying things a bit but can we not agree that this is just plain ridiculous? 

I was speaking to another friend of mine and she said she tells her friends that are heterosexual and are having a hard time "grasping the concept" of gay parentage to imagine for just a minute if they were told they were not allowed to become parents simply because of who they love.  Can you imagine being denied the ability to raise a child? Simply because of something you have no control over?

If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. ~John F. Kennedy

Ah, the age old debate. Is homosexuality a choice? Well, let's just assume for a second that this was a choice. That at some point in all our lives we get to decide whether we want to be homosexual or heterosexual. Well, seriously, how many of you would "choose" to be ostracized, possibly expelled from your family and friends, to sit and look at the possible disappointment on your family's faces, accept the fact that you have to be careful who you tell, worry about who will accept you and who won't, question every look you are given, accept that you may not ever be able to marry or have children. Boy, sounds fun, doesn't it? 

When people start debating whether homosexuality is a choice it really hits a nerve with me. I have watched my brother struggle to find the words to tell our family, watched as he dotes on my kids while knowing there is an ache and a hole in his heart where his own children should (and hopefully will) be. I watched his struggles as a teenager, the pain he went through, the journey of his own self discovery and acceptance. Why would anyone ever "choose" to experience this? It is what it is. 

Then, once you have dealt with all your internal battles as a homosexual, learning to accept and love yourself, THEN you get to deal with your family and friends. Once they have accepted you THEN you get deal with our government and all that entails. You have to deal with the fact that you cannot marry (in most states), have no rights if your loved one is sick in a hospital, have no mutual insurance benefits, can't have children, etc. 

It is a very difficult life. To say anyone would "choose" this path is utterly insane.  To that point to say, as some have, that for a child to grow up in a homosexual home that child would "turn gay" is again, for lack of better word, preposterous. That child would grow up and be well aware of all the struggles and battles his/her parents have endured. That child would grow up knowing they were well loved, cared for and always had a home. That child would most likely grow up more tolerant of those that are "different", understanding the struggles that not being part of the "Beaver Cleaver" style family entails, I would say that child would grow up even more accepting and open to all the different types of families there are out there. 

As long as the differences and diversities of mankind exist, democracy must allow for compromise, for accommodation, and for the recognition of differences. ~Eugene McCarthy


Anonymous said...

I have two uncles who went through so much in their attempts to deny who they really are. Both were married and one had two children, before finally getting divorced and coming out. They are both so much happier now. There has been one family member that shut them out completely. And a few say "we love you but we don't love your lifestyle." That one bugs me to no end. If you really love me, you love ALL of me. At least that's how I see it.

Anyway, I see what they have gone through and agree with all you've said here. It's not a choice...

Jay said...

I don't understand the whole "they choose to be gay" thing either. It's complete idiocy. Nobody chooses their sexuality. Why can't we all just treat everyone like human beings? I don't think that's too much to ask.

Iris Silk said...

Well said.

Will Shealy said...

Nice one Mandy.

Angie Mizzell said...

Sometimes I'm astonished by the lack of compassion, the judgment and the fear that seems to dominate popular opinion. My hope is that love will cure the pain inflicted by ignorance.

Darkwulfe said...

Well said! The thing that gets to me about the concept of "choice" is that the whole intent and purpose behind defining it as choice is to make it a moral issue. If you ARE what you are by nature, then morality is NOT an issue. If it is a "choice" then you can argue about the "right" or "wrong"ness (yeah I screwed up the grammer on that one..sue me!) of the choice. Plus, those that oppose it then can marginalize it and over symplify it and simply state, "it was your 'choice' you deal with the consequences or change your 'choice'".

It all boils down to control. It boils down to one group of people taking it upon themselves to tell another group of people what they can or cannot do based on their own moral views and preferences. And it boils down to a legal, social and governmental system that allows one group of people to collectively bully another group of people by manuevering and manipulating the system.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I agree. No one would willingly choose to be an outcast. I believe we're all born wired the way we are - and that includes our sexual preferences.