Molly's 5th Birthday

Clearly I have not blogged in quite awhile. Wonder if anyone is even still out there...hello? Hellooooooo...

A little girl can be sweeter (and badder) oftener than anyone else in the world. she can jitter around, and stomp, and make funny noises that frazzle your nerves yet just when you open your mouth she stands there demure with that special look in her eyes. A girl is Innocence playing in the mud, Beauty standing on its head, and Motherhood dragging a doll by the foot.
-- Alan Beck

I try to post on the kids' birthdays. I missed a few, but am trying to get back on track. Tomorrow, January 19th my sweet Molly turns 5. I can hardly believe it has already been 5 years, and yet I find it difficult to remember my life before she came scratching and clawing (quite literally, actually, but I won't share that part of the story) her way into the world. 


Molly is, in a nutshell, my firecracker. She is all energy, all heart and meets each day with a vivaciousness and vigor that is exhausting to watch at times!  She lives each moment of each day to the absolute fullest.  Her enthusiasm for life is as contagious as her tears when something upsets her, she can make you laugh with her as easily as she can make you cry with her.


This year I watched Molly become a little girl, not so much a baby girl. She will tell you her favorite colors are pink and purple, she enjoys Barbie dolls, Disney Princesses, Paper Dolls, Polly Pockets and playing Mommy to her Cabbage Patch baby "Emily".   Abby enjoyed a few of these things but was never very "girlie-girlie", Molly, on the other hand seems to be finding great joy in all things "Pinkalicious".

It is so much fun to watch Molly mother her baby dolls.  She has asked me to show her the proper way to hold the bottle, change the baby's diapers and swaddle her.  I treasure these moments with my sweet girl.  At the same time that she seems to be embracing her "girlie" side she is still my strong, amazingly brave girl.  This past month she scaled a 35 foot climbing wall as a crowd grew to watch in amazement.  There is nothing this girl can't do, I am convinced, and the best part? So is she.


Molly seems to slowly be outgrowing the breathing issues.  We have only had a couple of episodes the past few months, but when it flares up I am right there to calm her, cuddle her, love her.  I try to embrace the middle of the night treatments as I know our moments when everyone else is asleep and it's just the two of us are going to become more and more rare.

Since Julio works night shift four nights a week and since the kids are only with me every other week, I let them rotate nights in my bed.  I don't let them do it all the time, but it is so very special to me to cuddle with them and listen to them breathe as they drift off to sleep.  I find myself staring at them and sneaking kisses on their cheeks as they softly slumber.


So here I sit, another birthday in the books. Time sure does fly, but I have learned to embrace and appreciate every single moment with the kids. 

What I wanted most for my daughter was that she be able to 

soar confidently in her own sky, whatever that may be.

-- Helen Claes

Sometimes We ALL Need to Scream

"I can remember the frustration of not being able to talk. I knew what I wanted to say, but I could not get the words out, so I would just scream."
Temple Grandin 

This sums up my Bethanie.  Bethanie is Julio's youngest daughter and my "born in my heart" daughter. On Friday, after over six months of waiting for appointments, a day of intensive testing for Bethanie and another week of waiting for results we heard the words we knew were coming but needed to hear from a Dr, "Bethanie has autism".  I can tell you Julio and I both went through a range of emotions that day, (truth be told we still are), we were relieved, sad, worried, overwhelmed, anxious, and ready to get to work.

Julio and I have known for quite a while that something was wrong. We did what we always do, we read, studied, discussed, asked questions and finally came to the conclusion, on our own, that Bethanie had autism. At first we suspected Asperger's Syndrome, but her difficulties with speech lead us to the conclusion it was more involved and most likely autism.  She does not have problems with pronunciation, her speech issues are with getting her brain and mouth to connect.  She knows, as Dr. Grandin, says above, what she wants to say, but just can't get the words out.  She has meltdowns.  She "spirals" as Julio and I call it.  You can see the frustration mounting, and luckily, we now know to be on the lookout for this and tend to stop it before it gets to out of control.  She has difficulty transitioning.  We knew all these things, and more, would add up to autism, we just needed an official diagnosis.  

Bethanie's pediatrician, Dr. Philip McGaha, has been wonderful and so supportive during this journey.  He has helped us with medications, appointments, and regularly exchanges emails and personal phone calls with us.  We could not ask for more.  He referred us to the Medical University of South Carolina's Developmental Pediatrics Department. We were excited.  Until they called us (this was in about February) with our appointment in...NOVEMBER! We have since found out it would have taken us at least two more months to get the results and diagnosis! Insane.  Dr. McGaha's office got to work and we were able to secure an appointment with a woman that helped start the program at MUSC but is now in private practice.  It was for August, at this point we were happy it was at least 3 months sooner.  Bethanie was tested and we met with her the following week, this past Friday, were she confirmed our beliefs and suspicions.

Now the fun part.  Julio works for Roper Hospital.  Roper funds their own insurance, therefore they do not fall under Ryan's Law in South Carolina which mandates insurance companies cover autism therapies, Dr's appointments, etc.  They fall under federal law and apparently their is no mandate for them to cover autism.  Julio called to appeal this decision and was told because there are federal and state assistance programs for children with autism they do not and will not cover it. Nothing. Not her psychiatrist appointments, not her therapies, not her medications, not her testing appointment which finally diagnosed her (which was around $700), nothing.  It's like they just decided "poof, it doesn't exist".  How very infuriating and frustrating.  Just what we need as we navigate all the things we need to do to help her we also have to figure out how to pay for all she needs!  Families going through all this should NOT have to deal with insurance red tape.  It is inhumane.  It is simply wrong.

Bethanie is high functioning.  She was diagnosed with mild to moderate autism, however, the Doctor was very impressed with some of her skills.  She said Bethanie would make an excellent architect one day or graphic designer, as she LOVES patterns and sees them everywhere!  However, to get Bethanie to that point we need to give her every bit of help we can find. Things that encourage her, increase her self esteem, help her learn to cope with her struggles.  Julio's insurance company just wants no part of it.  We are raising six kids.   It isn't easy financially and this just makes it down right frightening.  We will figure it all out and Bethanie will get every bit of help we can find, but we shouldn't have to be fighting insurance companies at the same time.  I feel a bit like Dr. Grandin, I know what I want to say (to that insurance company) but can't and therefore I think I will just go scream for awhile.

Mother's Intuition?

Is it mother's intuition or just coincidence?  


This morning I took Molly and Zach and dropped them off at their daycare.  I have had them the past 7 days and this afternoon their Dad will pick them up and he will have them the next 7 days.  We just started this new, simplified schedule last week, for the past year we have shared custody but the most I'd go without seeing the kids is 3 days, now it will be seven.  I have gone seven days without seeing them before, just not that often.  We decided to give this schedule a try for many reasons, less transition days, more consistency, etc.  I do think it will be a good thing.  


However, this morning after I got back in my car from dropping my babies off, I cried. The ugly, sobbing kind of crying.  We had a an amazing week together and I just wanted to hold my babies.  I found my reaction a bit out of the ordinary.  I always miss them, but rarely do I cry like that anymore.  I came home and cried on Julio's shoulder for a bit, fixed my makeup and went about my day.  The entire time with this nagging feeling that I just couldn't pin point.


Then it came.  About 12:00 daycare called and said Molly just didn't seem to be feeling good.  They took her temperature and it was 100 degrees, not enough for her to go home, but they wanted to let me know.  I decided to go get her.  She has a stomach bug.  She is now sound asleep in her bed and I know what was bothering me.  I think, somehow, perhaps subconsciously I realized something wasn't quite right.


The reason I think perhaps it is a mother's intuition is because the same thing used to happen when Abby was little.  Her Dad and I were still married, so I didn't have the anxiety of being separated for any length of time.  However, there were some days when I'd drop her off and then I'd be sad and just wasn't able to stop thinking about her all day.  Inevitably it was on these days that her school would call because she was under the weather.  Every single time.  She, like Molly today, would have been showing no outward signs or symptoms of being sick, yet obviously something was brewing just under the surface.

So, you decide, mother's intuition, coincidence or maybe a little of both?

3 Years, Already?

"You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes."

Author: Walter M. Schirra, Sr.

 I can hardly believe another year has passed, my sweet baby boy turned 3 this past week.  I've said it before, but wow, what fun boys are!  My little guy will tell you and anyone that asks he is "Momma's Boy" (not to be confused with a momma boy).  He is loving, cuddly and just an overall sweet kid.  Of course Julio will tell you my opinion is slightly colored as apparently Zach has learned he needs only have one person in his corner and that's his Mom.  


Julio will rebuke him and he will cozy up to me and try and give me this big cheesy grin as if to say, "c'mon Mom, it's ME? Remember? I can do this, or get away with that, right?"  I hate to admit it but I do melt, every.single.time.  I do not however always give in.  I do quite often break his little heart and send him to time outs as well.

I have enjoyed watching my little boy grow and develop his favorite things.  Around the time he turned 2 his favorite movie was "Annie".  He would come home from his Dad's, or anywhere for that matter, and would immediately starting shouting for "Annie".  This phase passed and "Alvin and the Chimpmunks the Squeakual" took it's place.  Next came "Jaws".  Yes, my two year old (and his 3 year old sister) have fallen in love with this horror flick.  I'm not sure whether to be frightened or proud of the fact they simply watch to movie and laugh at the special effects.  

 Around Christmas time, Zach's favorite became Thomas the tank engine and Chuggington.  This lasted about six months, though he still likes Thomas, he discovered Buzz Lightyear was pretty cool, and now the current favorite is definitely "Cars", specifically "Mater".  This brings us to his birthday that was filled with all things "Mater".  Luckily "Cars" memorabilia are much, much cheaper than Thomas paraphernalia.  I only wonder what will be next.  Currently his room is decorated in Gamecock gear, a train table that is covered in Thomas the Train, army men, Buzz Lightyear and dinosaurs.  Oh the difference between girls and boys.  I have relished every moment of watching him develop and become more of a little boy and less of a baby boy.  After years of baby dolls, Disney Princesses, pink, pink and more pink, it has been a lot of fun to welcome, cars, trucks, and trains into my life.  Everyone told me boys were so different, especially in the way they love their Momma's.  I am so glad to be able to say they are so right.  The love between a mother and a son is one of life's treasures.  Don't get me wrong a mother and a daughter have a special bond, but there is just something about a son.

Happy 3rd Birthday, baby boy!

"Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid, one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory."

Author: Douglas MacArthur

Zach and His First Date

My sweet, innocent, adorable, almost 3 year old had his first date last Friday, followed a day later by his second date. Wow, how time flies, they are starting younger and younger these days.  It should be noted it was with an older woman too, she's 22. Let me explain.


Since Zach started daycare last August he has been in love, I mean LOOOOVE, with his teacher, Miss Megan. I thought this "Megan" was a girl in his class for the first few days. He went on and one and on about Megan.  Then I put two and two together and figured out it was his teacher that he was going on about.  This "romance" has blossomed all year long. Megan even tells me Zach notices the smallest things about her, like a new necklace or new toenail polish.  If she sneezes or coughs he quickly asks, "are you sick?" He will race down the hall to his class to jump in Miss Megan's arms each morning, without a look back and only a casual, "bye Mom". 


On Megan's birthday a few weeks ago, Zach surprised her with flowers:

Oh how the other teachers, ooed and ahhhed and talked about Zach's well known crush.  He even looks at her with a shy little grin that would make you melt.  

Well, Megan has become a much trusted and underpaid babysitter to our tribe.  This past Friday night Julio and I decided we needed a night out so we enlisted Megan's services, once again.  Only this time we decided to let Zach take Megan on a "date".  Megan arrived at the appointed hour (Zach decided she should drive to prove he was a modern kind of guy) and Julio set him down to have a "chat":

Zach was dressed in his finest Thomas the train collared shirt and matching shorts and Julio proceeded to explain to him how to be a gentleman.  Then Zach asked for money.  This picture is Julio "loaning" Zach $20 for his hot date at McDonald's.  Zach put the money in his pocket and kept it there until it was time to pay. He then let Megan order her food and his, (again proving he is modern like that and can let her order for him instead of vice versa), and he pulled the $20 out of his pocket to pay.

Megan was kind enough to even let Zach show his stuff on the the indoor play ground. He climbed for her, slid down the slides for her and even shot a few hoops.  When he felt he had significantly impressed his date they came home and said good night.  I think they look pretty happy:

I'm not sure, but I get the impression Megan was expecting a kiss, she appears to be leaning in for one, but I believe Zach played it a little coy, at least in front of his Mom:

And, the best part? They had a second date the next day as Megan took Zach to his Daddy's wedding! Wow, a second date the next day and to a wedding at that! I think I have a little Don Juan on my hands!  Apparently the neighbors even approved as all the men were giving Zach thumbs up as they left!

They really grow up too fast these days...

What Else??

Boy has it been busy lately.  I feel as if my head is spinning.  It started last month when I took a week off to be with the kids.  Ok, so the week was great, but it put me a week behind at work, so I was running crazy.  Then came May...


May has been crazy, already, and that is putting it mildly.  Abby began her 3rd year of swim team, which I love, but practice is every single day.  This only goes on until early July, and it is totally worth it, but I have to work every day around her schedule (her Dad made it clear if I wanted her to be on swim team then all practices and meets were on me) such is motherhood.  Then, I just picked up all the Piggly Wiggly grocery stores in my area plus the headquarters plus two 10,000 plus square foot warehouses where I not only need to restock and reorganize 30+ first aid cabinets, but I also have to hang them all.  Now this would be a tall order on a month where I am working each day, but then...


Zach got sick. Ugh. I got a call from daycare that he had a fever midday last Tuesday and he is just now starting to get back to his old self.  So I have missed a lot of work.  Zach had Hand, Foot and Mouth disease.  The poor little guy has been plagued by fever and blisters/ulcers on the inside of his mouth.  He's been in a lot of pain and very fussy this entire time.  That alone is exhausting, now couple in...


Molly has also been sick.  She has been stricken with her seasonal, horrible, keep you up at night, coughing fits.  We have done cough meds around the clock and breathing treatments.  Today she stayed home and cuddled and played with Julio.  I think she is turning the corner, but it's tough hearing her cough so badly and feeling so helpless, it really weighs on a Mom.  Then...


Abby came down with a cough and cold yesterday.  I got to be bad guy today and decided she needed to stay out of the pool and miss practice.  She was not too happy with me, but I am hoping she will be able to go back tomorrow.  Since she's gotten older she doesn't tend to get too many colds and they never last long so here's hoping.  Ok, to top it all off...


I woke up yesterday in serious back pain.  All I can figure is I must have slept on it wrong.  At one point I was doubled over on the bathroom floor in tears and couldn't get help.  I couldn't even catch my breath enough to call for Julio.  Luckily Zach finally came in and when I asked him to get Julio he ran out...to color at the table with his sisters!  Apparently he eventually matter of factly informed them "Mommy's crying in the bathroom", which Julio heard.  I had tried to text him, but he didn't hear his phone.  I managed to make it in the hot tub, rested most of the day and am feeling better, though sore, today.  


Of course, staying in bed all day put me behind on my household chores.  Julio tried to help (and he did take good care of me), but, well, let's just say there is still a lot to be done.  I have managed to straighten some tonight, organize my Piggly Wiggly accounts, plan my month in sales-somewhat, and pull paperwork together for my real estate agent--since I got home today.  Oh, did I forget to mention I also put my house on the market last week?


Have I lost my mind??  I guess feeling a little overwhelmed tonight is understandable, right?? Now someone please come disinfect my house and my kids, please!  And if anyone wants to offer to clean house for me I would be ever so appreciative.

Spring Break???

Spring Break?? Huh. I'm not really sure about the "break" part, as I definitely worked harder last week, during my vacation, than I do when I'm working!  But what a great week!  I have reflected all day today about what an amazing week I had with my kids.  I spent a lot of time trying to plan in advance some activity to do each day with the kids. So here is how our week played out once I picked them up from their Dad's Monday at 1:00:

First up, the Aquarium:
The kids just loved the sharks. I think they were the favorite, of course Molly and Zach LOVE the movie, "Jaws", so no real surprise there!  The albino alligator was a pretty big hit too, as well as the touch tank.

Then we went for some ice cream. Zach and Bethanie chose Bubble Gum Ice Cream, with real bits of bubble gum. Ick. But, I believe it was, at one time, my favorite, too.  What a perfect end to our first day of vacation!

Next up, Papa's visit:
My Dad came down to hang out and see us. It was a big treat since we hadn't seen him since Molly's birthday in January. We took the kids to McDonald's for a quick lunch and play time (and of course, more ice cream).

On Thursday we decided to take it a little easier and we stayed home. But, we played in the yard in a little kiddie pool and yard toys. The kids stayed in the yard almost all day!  Then the girls and I indulged in a little pampering with some manicures and pedicures.

Friday was our trip to Magnolia Plantation.  We were a little worried because as soon as we got out of the van it thundered so loudly that we jumped back in the van! We decided to go get some lunch at Moe's and wait for the storm to pass.  By the time we got back out to the plantation the rain had stopped, momentarily.  We were able to enjoy the petting zoo between showers.  The kids were even able to hold a little bunny rabbit, a big hit!   The petting zoo at Magnolia has deer, chickens, rabbits, peacocks, snakes, owls, ducks, you name it!  Then we loaded on the "train" and took our tour of the magnificent plantation.  The kids were thrilled we were able to secure front seats, until it started raining! We got soaked! But we just laughed in the rain and relished in it.  We stopped at the house on the plantation to visit with Nana (she is a guide in the house) and one more trip to the petting zoo before leaving.  It was so much fun!

Saturday was probably everyone's favorite.  We first made a quick trip to Walmart and then the farmer's market. Then it was home to dye eggs and make a carrot cake before lying down for a bit of quiet time. Finally we loaded up and all of us went to see "Rio". It was the cutest movie, but my favorite part was when Zach fell asleep in my arms. For dinner we went to CiCi's Pizza. Now, obviously, it is not my favorite place to go eat, however, it is very cheap (right at $30) for a family of 6 and the kids love that they are able to go up to the bar and get their own food and drink. We always sit close enough that they are able to feel a bit of independence and it is good for them.

Sunday we awoke to a yard full of Easter Eggs. We gave Molly and Zach a bit of a head start before we let Bethanie and Abby out to scoop up and find all the treasures.  They came back in the house to find their Easter Baskets.  The biggest hit had to be the light up cups they all received.  Nana and Uncle Will joined us for a wonderful lunch of ham, mac and cheese, green beans (fresh from the farmer's market), fruit salad, jello and rolls.  We then enjoyed our yummy carrot cake that we made the day before.

Abby did corner me and ask about the Easter Bunny.  Seems my little girl has discovered that their really isn't an Easter Bunny.  We had a nice little chat about it and I believe she was ready to hear the truth as she had already figured it out.  She is quite excited that next year she gets to help hide the eggs!  Of course it was only a matter of time before she began asking about Santa Claus...sighs...I knew it was coming but it is a bit sad, too.

Today I took Molly and Zach to daycare and as I prepared to drop Molly off she hugged me tightly and her eyes filled with tears.   She didn't fuss or make a scene, but I realized she was displaying how I felt inside, so sad to see our week come to an end.  It was an amazing week. I was so fortunate to spend so much time with my kids.  They are all four amazing children and my heart just swells with love as I reflect on all we shared.  The hugs, cuddle times, laughs and stories.  I am so proud to be their Mom and I cherish every moment with them.