Spring Break???

Spring Break?? Huh. I'm not really sure about the "break" part, as I definitely worked harder last week, during my vacation, than I do when I'm working!  But what a great week!  I have reflected all day today about what an amazing week I had with my kids.  I spent a lot of time trying to plan in advance some activity to do each day with the kids. So here is how our week played out once I picked them up from their Dad's Monday at 1:00:

First up, the Aquarium:
The kids just loved the sharks. I think they were the favorite, of course Molly and Zach LOVE the movie, "Jaws", so no real surprise there!  The albino alligator was a pretty big hit too, as well as the touch tank.

Then we went for some ice cream. Zach and Bethanie chose Bubble Gum Ice Cream, with real bits of bubble gum. Ick. But, I believe it was, at one time, my favorite, too.  What a perfect end to our first day of vacation!

Next up, Papa's visit:
My Dad came down to hang out and see us. It was a big treat since we hadn't seen him since Molly's birthday in January. We took the kids to McDonald's for a quick lunch and play time (and of course, more ice cream).

On Thursday we decided to take it a little easier and we stayed home. But, we played in the yard in a little kiddie pool and yard toys. The kids stayed in the yard almost all day!  Then the girls and I indulged in a little pampering with some manicures and pedicures.

Friday was our trip to Magnolia Plantation.  We were a little worried because as soon as we got out of the van it thundered so loudly that we jumped back in the van! We decided to go get some lunch at Moe's and wait for the storm to pass.  By the time we got back out to the plantation the rain had stopped, momentarily.  We were able to enjoy the petting zoo between showers.  The kids were even able to hold a little bunny rabbit, a big hit!   The petting zoo at Magnolia has deer, chickens, rabbits, peacocks, snakes, owls, ducks, you name it!  Then we loaded on the "train" and took our tour of the magnificent plantation.  The kids were thrilled we were able to secure front seats, until it started raining! We got soaked! But we just laughed in the rain and relished in it.  We stopped at the house on the plantation to visit with Nana (she is a guide in the house) and one more trip to the petting zoo before leaving.  It was so much fun!

Saturday was probably everyone's favorite.  We first made a quick trip to Walmart and then the farmer's market. Then it was home to dye eggs and make a carrot cake before lying down for a bit of quiet time. Finally we loaded up and all of us went to see "Rio". It was the cutest movie, but my favorite part was when Zach fell asleep in my arms. For dinner we went to CiCi's Pizza. Now, obviously, it is not my favorite place to go eat, however, it is very cheap (right at $30) for a family of 6 and the kids love that they are able to go up to the bar and get their own food and drink. We always sit close enough that they are able to feel a bit of independence and it is good for them.

Sunday we awoke to a yard full of Easter Eggs. We gave Molly and Zach a bit of a head start before we let Bethanie and Abby out to scoop up and find all the treasures.  They came back in the house to find their Easter Baskets.  The biggest hit had to be the light up cups they all received.  Nana and Uncle Will joined us for a wonderful lunch of ham, mac and cheese, green beans (fresh from the farmer's market), fruit salad, jello and rolls.  We then enjoyed our yummy carrot cake that we made the day before.

Abby did corner me and ask about the Easter Bunny.  Seems my little girl has discovered that their really isn't an Easter Bunny.  We had a nice little chat about it and I believe she was ready to hear the truth as she had already figured it out.  She is quite excited that next year she gets to help hide the eggs!  Of course it was only a matter of time before she began asking about Santa Claus...sighs...I knew it was coming but it is a bit sad, too.

Today I took Molly and Zach to daycare and as I prepared to drop Molly off she hugged me tightly and her eyes filled with tears.   She didn't fuss or make a scene, but I realized she was displaying how I felt inside, so sad to see our week come to an end.  It was an amazing week. I was so fortunate to spend so much time with my kids.  They are all four amazing children and my heart just swells with love as I reflect on all we shared.  The hugs, cuddle times, laughs and stories.  I am so proud to be their Mom and I cherish every moment with them.

An Ending and A New Beginning

“When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.” -Helen Rowland

Today I finalized my divorce to the man I married 10 years ago.  It was a fairly anti climatic ending to one of the hardest years of my life.  We walked into the court room, answered a few questions and bam with the slam of a gavel I was no longer married.  Ed and I spent the morning waiting for our turn in court talking about the kids, laughing about things Abby had done when she was little, talking about Carolina football and baseball, and just trying to keep our nerves at bay.  To the casual observer we probably looked more like two friends catching up than two people about to finalize their divorce.

I guess that really sums up Ed and me.  We were always good friends.  It was the whole marriage part we weren't so good at, we didn't make each other happy as husband and wife.  It took us a while to finally come to grips with that, but luckily, I believe we did soon enough that we didn't grow to hate each other. We have three beautiful kids together and we share 50/50 custody so we have to get along.  We both decided the kids are the most important and we will do whatever it takes to ensure their happiness and health.  

Ed is a great Dad, he loves his kids and would do anything for them. For this I am eternally grateful.  These babies know they are very loved, secure and safe. That is all I could ever ask for.  They are all thriving, Abby came home with straight A's today for the third quarter in a row, Molly and Zach are learning more every day and having a ball at their church preschool.  I look forward and relish in every moment I spend with them.  For this reason alone I could never regret my marriage to Ed.  It is because of him I have Abby, Molly and Zach.  It is because of him I am a Mom. No matter how painful this past year has been, no matter how many tears I shed, how many sleepless nights I suffered, I would not change a thing, it was all worth it for these three children.

The Year of Thomas and Peace

Apparently this Christmas will forever been known as the year of Thomas the Train and Peace signs. If there is anything with Thomas the train on it that we don't own at this point I would be very surprised. We have Thomas books, Thomas DVD's, Thomas underwear, Thomas shirts, Thomas pants, Thomas pajamas, a Thomas jacket, 3 different Thomas trains, a Thomas train table, a Thomas pillow, the list goes on...Zach is a full fledged Thomas fanatic.

Then there is my funky style, peace sign loving, Abby. If it has a peace sign on it she loves it. She has definitely developed her own sense of style: a little funky but very girlie. She wears a mixture of several different bracelet styles on each wrist, loves to layer a short sleeve, peace sign tee shirt over a long one, and of course, the jeans must have peace signs on them. She is currently pining away for a fancy pair of sneakers that are pink, glittery and has what else but peace signs all over them.  If you look closely you will be able to see peace signs on the pink jammies she has on in the picture to the right!

Then there is Molly. Molly has fallen in love with the Care Bears.  Bethanie can be credited with introducing Molly to the Bears. She arrived on the scene with 3 in tow and ever since Molly as secretly, and no so secretly, coveted them.  The look on her face when she opened her Bedtime Bear from Nana was priceless. She was completely surprised and totally smitten.  Her collection includes a computer game, a movie and several coloring books. She has already added Sunshine Bear to her wish list for her birthday, which is in 3 weeks.  This is a very bright child. As soon as Christmas was over she quickly remember her birthday is coming up quickly and began to put in her requests!

Sweet Bethanie has found hours of enjoyment with Polly Pockets. I really knew she would. She loves to play with Barbies and I had a feeling she would love these as well. Nana gave her a Polly Pocket doll house that she has provided her with endless entertainment.  I hope to be able to continue to add to her Polly collection, as it really is right up her ally. Bethanie is, of all the girls, our most "girlie", from the way she plays to the dainty way she walks. She is our princess.

Seems these children are starting to find their individual identities. It is a pleasure to watch them discover the things that make them happy. It is also quite enjoyable to watch how different they all are and for them to learn to embrace those differences, as we do.

Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

One of my favorite Christmas memories from my childhood is from when I first began questioning the existence of Santa Claus. I was about 8 years old and I can remember my Mom coming in to my room one night and reading to me the famous letter below from a fellow doubting little girl. I have found as I have grown the words to hit me a little differently and mean different things each time I have read it. This morning I had the opportunity to sit down with MY 8 year old and share this very same letter and amazing message. Did she understand all its underlying messages, doubtful, as neither did I as a young, innocent 8 year old. However, it is a tradition I will continue to share with her and hope, perhaps, one day she will share it with her own children and learn from it even then as I did this morning. Merry Christmas.

This was first published in New York's Sun as an unsigned editorial on September 21, 1897:

Question: 

Dear Editor,
I am eight years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says "If you see it in the Sun it's so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia O'Hanlon.
115 W.95th St

Answer: 

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank GOD! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Still Here!

Hi everyone! I know, I know, you probably don't even remember me! I miss my writing and you guys! It has been a crazy few months, but I believe things are finally settling down to a solid routine. I am feeling more at ease and happy with the transition with the kids, things are going great with Julio and Bethanie and I really couldn't be happier.

Abby is doing really great in school, Molly and Zach have adapted to daycare and are doing so well, Bethanie is even becoming her own person. The blossoming in all the kids that has already occurred this year is astounding.

I am going to try and get back to writing on a more regular basis and I hope you guys will all come back! I look forward to reading your updates and checking back in with all of you!

Changes

I have to say, August was not one of my best months. I am quite happy to see that little bugger go. We went through a lot of changes in August. Ed and I decided to put Molly and Zach in daycare when school started back. Now, Molly is 3 and Zach is 2 and neither have spent a single day in daycare since they were born.  Ed stayed home with them. Abby also had to go into after school care since Ed decided to go back to work. I guess, divorce kinda puts a kink in the best laid plans! Anyway, it's been a rough couple of weeks.

Abby, of course, is doing great. I actually got a call from her teacher the other day expressing what an amazing job she is doing. She is still in a single gender classroom and that girl is just thriving. She didn't like after school care at first, but now loves it. Her homework is done by the time we pick her up and she is ready to just relax and play. Abby is my solid girl, just no worries there.

Zach has adjusted quite well to day care. He and Molly are going to a large Baptist church care here in town and I am quite pleased with the level of care. I pack their lunches each day, something I've never done, but I have gotten into a pretty good routine with it, I do believe.

Molly, on the other hand, has struggled.  Today was the first time that she did not cry prior to being dropped off or while being dropped off. At first she came home crying, went to bed crying, woke up crying...there were a lot of tears. I was calling the school each day to make sure she was OK, which she always was. This week, however, it cooled off enough for her to be able to go out on the playground. This has made her world right side up once again. That child loves to be outside. I have received some wonderfully, kind notes from her teachers each day as well. 

So the daycare/school transition seems to finally be smoothing out.

Now the next transition. This one is the hardest for me, though I know after much thought and discussion with many people that it is the right thing to do. Since Ed is no longer keeping the kids during the day we have decided to share custody. Apparently more and more divorced parents are going to this system. On top of that more and more family court judges are ruling in favor of shared custody. Obviously it was Ed's idea. I will admit that, I just assumed he would see them every other weekend and maybe an evening during the week.  When he first approached me with this I was blown away. But, I am the type of person to react first and then once I calm down discuss it with as many people as will listen, I usually can look at things rationally.

This is the best of both worlds for the kids. As Ed said, why do I have anymore right to them than he does? He is the one that stayed home the past few years, he made sacrifices just as I did. Also? He is very close with the kids and I support that. So, I will have them for a few days, then he will, and we will rotate it such we each have them every other weekend and no longer than 3 days without seeing them. It works out to them being with each parent 50% of the time. At first I worried about the kids feeling they were constantly shuffled. I think we can avoid this. Part of our deal with trying this is the understanding it will only work if we are on good terms. Let me tell you, Ed and I have not gotten along so well since long before we split up.

We both want what is best for our kids. They come first. Part of what is best for the kids is seeing that their parents are friendly. This does make things easier, especially when the kids are as young as ours are, it just makes it smoother for them.  Does it break my heart to pack up half of their clothes? You bet ya. It is tearing me apart on the inside. However, I also know that having 3 young kids is very hard. Patience wears thin. I promise you I am spending more time with my kids now, physically, than ever before. When they are here at my house I am tuned into them. This is part of the reason I haven't been blogging as much, from the time they get home until the time they go to bed they pretty much have all my attention. I am fresher, I am nicer, and I am much more fun for them to be around because I make the most of every single minute with them.

How many times, have we all put something before our time with our kids, or fussed at them a little more because we took for granted there was always tomorrow to try again. Well for me, every second now counts and I make sure I am completely present with them. This arrangement is already working in the best interest of my kids. 

You know, I've always heard the old saying, "to have a child is to forever have your heart walking around outside of your body". I never realized how true that was until I learned I have to let go a little in order to get a lot back in the long run. My kids are amazing, happy, well rounded, joyful children. I will do everything I possibly can to continue fostering their growth and to make sure they never doubt how very much they are loved and that I will always be here to offer them a "soft place to land".

First Day of School 2010

The kids all started school today. Abby in 2nd grade, Bethanie in Kindegarten, Molly in 3 year old preschool and Zach in 2 year old class. Whew! What a morning! But it was a great day for all! I told Julio from now on we are taking the first day of school as a vacation/mental health day, heck, after all it takes to get them ready these days, we deserve it!


Here are a few pics of the happy bunch:

Here's hoping for a happy and successful school year! And a regular routine...I am soooo ready for it!

Babies Don't Keep

The cross stitch on the left was made by my Mom and given to me when my first child, Abigail, was born. When Molly came around, Mom made her a beautiful blanket with the alphabet cross stitched around the edges, but I still transferred this particular print to her nursery as well. Then came my 3rd, my baby boy, Zach. I also hung this print in his room.


It reads:

Babies Don't Keep

Cleaning and scrubbing

can wait 'til tomorrow.

For babies grow up,

we've learned to our

sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs,

Dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby

and

babies don't keep.

It seems benign enough. We all read it and think, "oh that is so true" and then we go back to sweeping, washing dishes, mopping, folding clothes and shooing our kids to "go play" while we clean. At least I know I am incredibly guilty of doing just that. I suppose my Mom knew this when she took her time and made me that particular cross stitch.

I always feel things have to be "just so" before I will sit down and relax. I think if I can just put a load in the wash, fold that other load "really quickly" then I will sit down and rock my babies. Oh, but wait, let me just dust that end table it won't take long, and take the trash out THEN I can sit...oh but, I can throw a load of dishes in the dishwasher while I am doing that...and then...

Well, you get the picture. Before you know it, they are growing up and no longer wish to be rocked. You have no idea how many times I have recited the above poem as I was vacuuming, dusting or folding laundry. Last night, however, an amazing thing happened.

Last night, I fed and bathed the kids then I cuddled with them in the girl's room as we watched "Annie" (Zach's current most favorite movie) for a little while. We all sang, "Tomorrow" and laughed at how we would never make it as a singing group. I held on to Molly, Zach and Abby and just enjoyed my babies. Then I scooped Zach up and rocked him in the silence of his room. I sang, "You are My Sunshine" (by request, another fave), "Mockingbird", "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star", "Rock a Bye Baby" and "Jesus Loves Me" as he dozed in my arms. I put him gently in his crib and went to check on Molly.  I found she had crawled in her bed and fallen asleep without any directions from me.  

It made me think, perhaps these crazy evenings I have with my 3 are really just cries for cuddles. I had a wonderful evening with my babies and was more relaxed and content than I had been in some time. My heart was full. Apparently so was theirs. So I suppose perhaps Mom was right along, those babies just don't keep, but that dust? Yeah, it will still be there tomorrow.