We had to all load up and go run a quick errand. I would have thought that child was doing any and every thing she could to get me angry. When we got back home she was still just pushing her brother and sister's buttons. When I finally had about all I could take I went to talk to her and found her sitting on her bed, earphones on and writing in her journal. I could not believe the sight before me. She looked about 13. I just stood back and watched her, then I walked away.
A little while later, after dinner, I asked her to go get something out of my car for me, as I was already in my night gown (and I would NEVER go outside like that! *wink, wink*). She came in the kitchen, put down her journal, where I could see it, and proceeded to go out to the car. Now before you get all indignant about me looking in her journal, know this, after she came back in and I asked her if she wanted to talk about anything she brought me her journal and showed it to me. This is what it read (her spelling as well):
"It's summer now. It's almost over, about to go in 2nd grade.
Still missing him sooooooooooooooo much.
If he was here write now I wode say
I love you and ask if I cud spin the night.
Grandad I LOVE YOU.
So so so so so so sad. :'("
My heart is breaking. Abby and Granddad had a very special relationship. I know she misses him. I didn't realize she still missed him so much, but I guess she's just like I am, just like my brother is, just like we all are, there are moments. Moments it is so painful, so raw, it is as if it just happened. I think part of this was brought on by her journal. It is the only journal she has and it is one I bought her when my Dad was nearing the end of his battle with brain cancer. In it we have documented some of her favorite memories of their time together.
I am glad that Abby seems to understand how writing can help. I am so proud that she sought out her journal and captured those feelings. After all it is what I do, it is what I am doing now, with this post. I want to break down and sob, but I am afraid how long the tears will flow if I do. So I will write. I will hug my sweet Abby and let her know we all have days like this. I will tell her how very proud Granddad would be of her. How his heart would swell with admiration, love and pride at all the amazing things she has accomplished and at the incredible young lady she is becoming. I will hold her a little longer so, hopefully, she will know I am always here for her, always in her corner and always understanding.